I have created this blog as a place to process my journey- as I grieve the loss of our son Benji. You only need to join me if you choose to.☺ Writing is therapeutic for me and though my way of grieving may be completely different from someone else, perhaps my journey will give you a glimpse into what it means to grieve the loss of a child.

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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

HAVE or HAD?



  Last week I was again faced with something new; what do I say if someone asks me how many children I have?  What would you say?  My first thought was to say I HAD four sons, but one passed away so now I have only three.  It sounded strange to me (and to a certain extent it felt out of touch with reality) to say I HAVE four sons.  You may be ahead of me on this one, but it took a little bit for this to register with me.  It suddenly clicked a few days later that I had been thinking about that question in earthly terms, not taking into consideration that in reality, none of us are simply earthly beings, we are all eternal beings; our lives on earth are simply the first stages of the rest of our lives.  “Silly!  Of course I HAVE four sons!”  



   This was taken in St. Louis in 2006 when we initially took Benji there to get him listed for his lung transplant
 Yesterday I started reading a book called “One Minute After You Die”; he also talks about the fact that we are all eternal beings.  Based on what we choose to do with Jesus while we are on earth, the moment we die we will either go to a place more glorious than we could ever imagine, or we will face eternity in a place more horrifying than we could ever imagine.  We are so grateful Benji chose to be “inChrist” while on earth, which gave him the necessary passport to his eternal destination- heaven.  Benji, having gone to heaven sooner than us is in a way, no different from him having moved to another country.  If he had moved to another country, though not physically with us, he would of course still be alive.  Now, though not physically with us, he is alive in heaven.  He IS still my son; he just lives in a different place.  


 So, if you ask me how many children I have, I will tell you I HAVE four, one just lives in heaven.




And I am so grateful for 
ALL FOUR of our sons!

















*If you don't already know and would like to know more about the story behind "inChrist", you can read about Benji's story at his Caringbridge site.  caringbridge.org/in/benji
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7 comments:

  1. Barb SnyderJune 19, 2013 at 12:56 PM

    Cindy, I'm really glad you started this blog. I really like your words today. Now, when someone asks me if I have any sisters and how many, I will say I have 3. One just lives in another place.

    The pictures of your boys are great!

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  2. UnknownJune 19, 2013 at 1:36 PM

    That's a beautiful way to look at it Cindy. Love you and had to step out of the office a bit so no one could see the emotional effect that perspective had on me. You do HAVE four awesome sons and all four of them HAVE an incredible Mom and Dad as well. Very nicely said!

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  3. Anne LoveJune 19, 2013 at 11:12 PM

    Very beautiful Cindy.

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  4. BeejstephJune 20, 2013 at 4:01 AM

    LOVE THIS STORY!!! You Are Such A Precious Mom To ALL Of Your Boys!! :)

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  5. Lois AnnJune 20, 2013 at 5:46 PM

    When people ask me how many grandchildren we have, I always say 18. One is yet unborn and another is in heaven. Actually if I asked my daughters i may be missing a couple that I don't know about. But these are the ones I know of. Or course you have four sons. I really love the beach photo. And I know you must miss Benji so much. My heart remembers you even when you don't know I am thinking of you. Hugs.

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  6. Shiree.June 21, 2013 at 9:43 PM

    Aunt Cindy,
    I have always loved reading your work. And this blog is probably the best thing ever.
    Love you, love you, LOVE YOU,
    Jaz

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    Replies
    1. Cindy EashJune 23, 2013 at 1:21 AM

      So glad you liked it- your comment means so much! And.... I love, love, love you too Sweetie! ♥♥♥

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