Today
it is four years, and I remember it so well. It was at 7:30 a.m. CST,
that Benji went to be with Jesus, and we had to say goodbye (for now) to our
“baby”. Today, he would be 19 if he had lived; I really have a
difficult time imagining that! That was an extremely painful time, and
though I still tear up easily when telling Benji’s story, I can honestly say
that for me, there is truth to the saying “Time heals all wounds”. It has
helped to take away the rawness of the pain.
I’ve
thought a lot about legacies since Benji’s death. People leave all kinds
of legacies because what we do in life, and how we live out the days we are
here, determines how we will be remembered when we’re gone.
I
came across the following epithet on the internet:
RAYMOND ALAN "BIG AL"
BROWNLEY
“…Big Al had many loves, too. He loved
his wife, Agnes Bargo Brownley, who preceded him in death in 1990. He also
dearly loved his children and grandchildren.”
But Bill was also “world-renowned for
his lack of patience, not holding back his opinion, and a knack for telling it
like it is. He was highly proficient at cursing. He liked four-letter words
just about as much as four-wheel drive pick-up trucks.”
And on a humorous note, “He had a
life-long mé·nage à trois with his homemade chili and Gas-X.”
I
had to laugh when I read this, but seriously!? Is this really all “Big
Al” was known for?
We
praise God for Benji’s legacy. During his final months and especially
immediately after his death, we heard from so many people how Benji had
impacted their lives in a positive way- many of these were people we have never
met. To this day, we still run into people who tell us this. One
particular instance I vividly recall is when someone sent us a message through
a mutual friend. I don’t know this man, but he said he had come across
Benji’s story on Facebook and ended up reading through the entire 9 years of
Caringbridge entries. He had been struggling in his Christian walk, but
he told our mutual friend to tell us that because of Benji’s story, he decided
to turn his life around and he is changed forever.
Over the years, I have often wondered what exactly it was
about Benji that touched so many, even strangers.
He
was far from being a perfect kid; he was no different from any other. He
fought with his brothers, fibbed and talked back to his parents and was
stubborn as the dickens!
He
was not a verbal person and I don’t think he made an impact because of the
things he said…. He didn’t have a passion for getting involved in the
fight to find a cure for CF…. He didn’t pass out tracts or give people
literature on how they can have a relationship with Christ….
So what was it?
I
don’t think it was because of what he said, but instead, it was often because
of what he didn't say, and how he lived his life.
Benji had a quiet
determination to finish what he started and to do what everyone else did
After
Benji’s death, his basketball coach told me about the perseverance Benji
modeled during basketball practice. They would begin every practice with
“down and backs” (otherwise known as suicides), and while Benji would have been
allowed to sit out for these, his coach said he always did them. He
couldn’t keep up with the other boys, but even though he would have to rest at
times, or walk because he was too tired and out of breath to run, he would
continue to do them- even after the others had moved on to something else-
until he had completed the number they were supposed to do. The coach
said the other boys had no excuse to complain.
He was kind
I
have had various mothers tell me how Benji had been the one to reach out to
their child, when their child was new to the school or feeling unaccepted,
etc. I often heard people say that Benji was “everybody’s friend”.
This is a Facebook comment we received following Benji’s
death: “So sorry for your loss. I will remember Benji's kind and caring
heart as he always went out of his way to talk to my little boys at church.
He was generous
He
was typically quick to share what he had. Shortly before Benji’s death
Allen had asked him what he was going to do with all the cash he had received
recently. I was quite touched and my heart swelled with gratitude and
pride when Allen told me his response. He listed three things he wanted
to do with it and while I don’t remember what two and three were, I’ll never
forget number one. In his weak, raspy whisper he said, “First, I’m gonna tithe.”
He wasn’t angry
This
is something various nurses spoke of; how most teenagers that have to be
hospitalized and endure as much as Benji did, are typically angry and difficult
to work with. They were amazed by Benji’s patience and gentle spirit.
He seldom complained
about all the things he had to endure in the hospital
Still
do this day, this is one of the things nearly all Benji’s nurses comment about
when they speak of who Benji was. “He never complained”.
He had a peaceful
spirit
After
Benji’s bi-lateral lung transplant, he came out intubated (or “vented”, meaning
he had a breathing tube down his throat). We were told that when people
are vented they are nearly always kept under sedation, (and at times even have
to have restraints), because they get so worked up and it’s difficult to keep
them from pulling out their tubes. The nurses commented about how unusual
he was because he was so calm while being vented. It soon became apparent
that Benji wasn’t going to need sedation, and even though it was protocol, and
he had to be re-intubated numerous times, they never sedated him again while he
was vented.
He maintained that
peaceful spirit, even when at death’s door
There
were a number of times we thought we might lose Benji, and he thought he might
die, but he never panicked and maintained a quiet peaceful spirit through those
times. I’ll never forget how one of the doctors in St. Louis commented
that he couldn’t believe Benji’s response when he (the doctor) explained to him
that they were going to need to do emergency surgery because of internal
bleeding. The doctor said, he just remained so calm and nodded at him; he
showed no fear or concern.
And then there was his
computer password
What
a precious discovery to find that my 15 year old son had chosen “inChrist” as
his computer password! He knew his identity was in Christ.
The following was written by Rhonda Schrock on March 15,
2013…
In Christ
I remember the message
that was posted on Tuesday last. “His password, it was ‘inChrist.’” Lump rising
in throat, heart squeezing tight in chest, I’m thinking of that boy. Thinking
of his mama.
His mama, my sister in
Christ, and other-mother-of-four-sons. It was she who’d discovered it; had
found the password he’d chosen for his laptop, “inChrist.” He, her baby, the
number four and the last. He in Christ, and Christ in him.
For weeks, we’d followed,
praying, hoping, rejoicing, grieving with them on the journey. Her flesh and
blood, piece of her heart all shaped like a boy, hooked to tubes and wires in a
bed far away. Her baby, the number four.
What treasure is packed
into earthen vessels when even in dying, there’s a supernatural song of praise.
A message of joy. A strong, relentless faith that will not quit. That names His
name, that stands in Christ and Christ alone.
In two days, Benji’s mama
and daddy will lay his earthly frame to rest, big brothers all attending. But
it won’t be goodbye; not for them. It will be a “see you later” and “we’re
coming right behind.” For Benji knew the key, the password that never
fails. “In Christ.”
We
praise God for Benji's life and the 15 years we had with him. Hopefully his
life and story have inspired, (or will inspire), you to live a life that brings
glory to God!.
“Our days are numbered. One of the primary goals in our lives
should be to prepare for our last day. The legacy we leave is not just in our
possessions, but in the quality of our lives. What preparations should we be
making now? The greatest waste in all of our earth, which cannot be recycled or
reclaimed, is our waste of the time that God has given us each day.”
Billy Graham
What will my legacy be?
What will your legacy be?
*************************************************************
The
way Benji lived his life is what created his legacy, but it is because of what
many of you have shared with us, that we are aware of how his life and legacy
have affected others. I was touched while reading again this week, many
of the encouraging words we received around the time of his death. I
thought some of you may also be blessed by them…
From some who knew him (or us)
“Benji, you are such an inspiration to us all. When we are
weak, God is made strong! May HIS strength continue to propel you on.”
“Thank
you for how faithful you were while you were here, your life and death have
been an incredible witness to all who know you, and also to many who never knew
you.”
“Benji,
I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. Your character and faith are
an inspiration to so many people. You may never know how big of an impact
you've made on the people around you, but it's like your uncle said...you're a
hero! The life you've lived has been far from easy, but you've taken it like a
champ. You make an impression on the Doctors and medical staff at every
hospital you stay at. They all recognize that you're no ordinary kid. You've
developed a gift of patience and joyfulness that i think just confuses most of
us. Maybe it has something to do with your faith.”
“Benji
touched all who knew him and thousands who only knew his story. He surely lived
a life IN CHRIST. ♥”
“I
still need to let you know how much you touched me as I watched you walk the
valley. You showed strong patience in suffering. A tremendous warrior like
spirit with all the scars from battle to prove it. You were brave mighty
warrior!! Your love for family was beautiful and one of the first things ‘our
son’ mentioned when we asked what he will miss most of his best friend. You did
shine your little light so brightly in this dark world. You were loved
ferociously by people all over the world.”
“Benjis
life has made us all better people as we have watched him grow up and all the
things he had to go through. What a fighter he's been.”
“Cindy
I just wanted to share with you that I am in nursing school and I have been
sharing your posts with my fellow classmates. Benji encourages us to push on!”
And from some we have never met:
“So
many people have been touched by your story and I, for one, am forever changed.
Thank you for touching my heart, young man...and I will meet you someday in
Heaven.. I love you sweet boy...”
“No
one has impacted my life like Benji, Cindy and Allen. I can't quit thinking
about Benji, especially. I keep seeing his face and that great smile. The
testimony that Cindy gave with each blog really touched me. Then viewing his
memorial service and the love everyone had for him was amazing. He must have
been the most remarkable boy to ever live. To have always been sick but to at
the same time be so funny and loving is remarkable. I just wanted a family
member to know that even though I have never met him or his family, they have
touched me in an amazing way. Your family does not grieve alone because
even those of us who were touched by him grieve also.”
“Benji
has forever touched my life. This Easter held special meaning because of
Benji's life and story and I thought of him in heaven enjoying the risen One in
person!”
“I
need you to know though how much Benji's story has impacted me. I think about
being InChrist nearly every day since I read your blog. Although it wasn't a
new idea to me, it was like a revelation of the power that comes from being
InChrist.”
“I
think the thought that strikes me the most is that your precious boy
accomplished the job that Christ had here for him. He may be physically gone,
but the life he lived and how he lived it will have a rippling effect for many,
many years to come. He has obviously touched so many, in so many ways. I am so
very thankful that this separation is only temporary, my friend. What a gift we
have, as Christians, in knowing that.”
“I
have followed Benji's story and am heart-broken to read the news today. My life
is just one of the many that he and his family touched.”
“Benji's love
for his Lord, life and family was a mirror of who God is. What a testimony....
Benji's legacy will continue, I have a feeling this isn't the end of the story,
it's only beginning. God will use Benji's story many times in the days ahead.”
