I have created this blog as a place to process my journey- as I grieve the loss of our son Benji. You only need to join me if you choose to.☺ Writing is therapeutic for me and though my way of grieving may be completely different from someone else, perhaps my journey will give you a glimpse into what it means to grieve the loss of a child.

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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

What would you want- If it were you?

At the time of Benji's transplant and soon after, we began talking about when we'd be able to let the donor's family know how extremely grateful we were for their gift and what a perfect match the lungs had been for Benji.

(In case you don't know or recall, the surgeon told us after transplant that the lungs were the perfect size for Benji's chest cavity- sometimes they're a little small and sometimes they have to be cut back because they're too large.  Benji's fit perfectly!  Additionally, one of Benji's bronchi was larger than the other and the new lungs were identical- they were also a perfect match! The surgeon said, "It was meant to be.")

We couldn't wait to tell the donors family about it, of course however, only if they wanted to hear from us.  It was our understanding that we'd have to wait at least 6 months before we attempt to communicate with the family; that was fine by me because I wanted to be able to wait till after I could give them examples of the things Benji could do with his new lungs that he couldn't do before. 


I had spoken to a couple donor families soon after Benji's transplant; both had wanted to hear from the recipient's but only one of them got to. This was a very positive and i think healing experience for this family.  The other family had not heard a word and it was disappointing, not knowing what had happened with their child's organs or who was able to benefit from them. I can certainly understand, it seems to me I would also want to know how someone benefitted from my child's death.

But that was before......

What about now? Would they still want to know?  Or would it be better for them to assume someone was able to extend their life with those new lungs and is benefitting greatly from them?  Or, do we simply thank them and tell them they went to a 15 year old boy with cystic fibrosis and leave it at that, unless they ask more questions? 

What do you think? What would you want if it were you?  



(I would be especially interested to hear from those of you who have donated a loved ones organs.)
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1 comment:

  1. Rose SNovember 5, 2013 at 4:23 PM

    This is a "what if" situation for myself ... If my husband John would have been able to donate his organs (he had massive internal injuries from the accident so his organs couldn't be donated, although I've often wished that it would've been different) I would want to know who his organs benefited, even if for a short time. For me, I think it would be a part of finding closure for myself/the family. Knowing that their loved one's organ(s) are "somewhere out there" may be a little open-ended for them, maybe? I'm just thinking out loud here. If John's organs were in any way with someone else, it would have been helpful for me to know, healing. Just think, you got to spend more time with Benji with his new lungs than the possibly without the new lungs. It wasn't in vain ... even when we don't understand how God works. It may be helpful for the donor's family to know this. Just some thoughts and something to pray about. I will be praying for you as you process this.

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